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"Sorry, sis," Ebony said, walking up and embracing Copper.
"For what, Ebb?" Copper
asked as they made their way over to the champagne and sparkling apple
cider, amidst the well wishes that were showered upon the bride.
"The
bouquet," she explained. "I was trying to get it to you. I didn't see
your roomie standing there. Everyone knows that Pepper thinks she's
getting older."
"We all are." Copper
chuckled.
"You know what I mean. She
thinks that if you're not married by the time you're thirty, you are
over the hill, automatically washed up. And she's twenty-seven."
"I keep telling her she has
a lot to learn," the twenty-eight year old responded as she picked up
two full glasses, handing one to her sister, who was two years her
junior and one year younger than Mahogany.
"Did you think about our
father at your wedding, too?" the bride inquired, softly.
"Yes, I did, Ebb," admitted
Copper. "I wondered if he knew… if he cared. I mean, Aunt Birdie
was here, but, just like at my wedding and Mahogany's, too, she didn't
even mention his name. There's something about the way she looks at us
though. I can't put my finger on it."
Copper wondered whether Aunt
Birdie, her dad's sister, had any information that would help them
better understand why he left.
"I still find myself wishing
that he was here," Ebony shared, wiping away a tear.
"I know." Copper put an arm
around her younger sister's shoulder. "Anyway," she held her glass in
the air and continued, "to the beginning of a new, wonderful life."
They clinked glasses and
sipped the sparkling apple cider.
"Is it, sis?" Ebony asked,
with a look so serious that Copper felt something pull at her heart
even more. "Will it be wonderful?"
Before answering, Copper
looked over at the groom, who was smiling and shaking hands with
everyone in range, and she remembered how eight years ago Bobby, her
groom, had hardly smiled at all.
"Yes, Ebb, I
think Edward will make a very good husband. I believe you will be very
happy together."
"Coming from
you, Copp, that means a lot," Ebony acknowledged. "I know how psychic
you can be sometimes. Boy, do I know. You told me that I would marry
him someday when I first introduced you to Edward three years ago when
you came back for my college graduation."
"Did I?"
"You did."
"Hmmm."
"How do you do it, sis?"
"Ebony, I really don't know.
Sometimes I get these intuitive feelings. I used to ignore them when I
was younger, and they stopped happening for a while. Then they started
again, and I noticed that the more I heeded them, the more I would get
them." She looked over Ebb's shoulder and saw their mother, Mahogany,
and the photographer heading towards them. "Like, right now, I get the
feeling that our picture is about to be taken."
Ebony turned and saw them,
too.
"Oh, I'm beginning to get
the hang of it now," she said as they both laughed.
"And what's so funny?"
Mahogany inquired with a smile.
"The future," said Ebb,
putting an arm around each sister.
"Let's hope
you will be able to say that in the future," their mother said
pointedly.
"Opal!" Copper reprimanded
jokingly.
Anyone not knowing any
better would think that the four of them were sisters. Opal was in her
late forties, but still maintained the good looks and figure passed on
to her daughters.
The photographer was very
professional as he positioned them and took the pictures with the
minimum of conversation. His eyes locked with Copper's at one point and
suddenly she got the feeling that she knew him. Upon closer scrutiny
she realized what it was. He slightly resembled her ex-husband. An inch
shorter, perhaps, and more mature looking, but the way his eyes
sparkled when he smiled was like her ex, and the square-jawed strong
masculine look was how she envisioned Bobby would look in his thirties.
"Mommy, can
we get in the pictures?" Copper turned to see her seven and a half-year
old daughter, Tiffany, looking up at her. She was holding Mahogany's
two-year old, Tanzia, by the hand.
"And who might you be?" the
friendly photographer asked.
"My name is
Tiffany," she replied proudly, "and who might you be?"
"My name is Doug," he
answered, laughing at how grown up she appeared. "Which one of these
ladies is your mother?"
"She is," the little girl
pointed at Copper and went to stand beside her.
"And I know
who your mommy is," Doug said to Tanzia.
"You sure do." Mahogany
smiled, picking her up.
The photographer posed them
all for several shots as Aunt Birdie stood behind him snapping her
little camera.
"Wow," he admired. "Three
generations of beautiful black women. And Mrs. Patterson, you are the
prettiest grandmother I have ever had the privilege of photographing."
Opal beamed as Copper,
Mahogany and Ebony looked at each other and smiled, shaking their heads.
The next morning Copper
arose early. When they were growing up, Opal had taken them all to
church every Sunday morning diligently. However, upon reaching
adulthood, her sisters discontinued weekly services, although they
still went occasionally. Copper, on the other hand, had carried on,
even while in college. She belonged to Seekers—a
non-denominational church of religious science in Washington, D.C.
Whenever Copper was in Atlanta on a Sunday she attended services at
Hillside, which had the same type doctrine.
When she mentioned to
Tiffany that she would be going to church in the morning her daughter
asked to go along. Tiffany was very bright in school. Copper wanted to
expose her to different ideas to help her grow mentally.
They sat through the sermon
on "Visualization" and immediately went to brunch downtown at the Hyatt
on Peachtree Street. Then they decided to go to the zoo and finally
back to Opal's house.
It was a lovely summer
afternoon for some mother and daughter bonding. They didn't have the
opportunity often. In fact, the last time just the two of them had gone
out to eat together was over a year ago, the night that Copper got
upset with Tiff for playing a trick on her. They were at a restaurant
celebrating Tiffany's birthday, and Tiffany decided to play hide and
seek without Copper's consent. That caused a momentary scare until the
little girl reappeared.
This evening Copper would
fly back to D.C. and Tiffany would, as usual, remain with Opal. As they
were driving back to Stone Mountain, Copper asked the question that had
been bothering her for a while. She was bothered because she felt
guilty having to leave Tiffany. Due to her busy work schedule, Copper
didn't have a whole lot of free time to spend with Tiff. For the best
interest of her daughter, Copper made the difficult decision to allow
Tiff to stay with Opal.
"Tiffany, do you mind living
with Grandma?"
"No ma'am, I like it. All of
my friends and relatives are here," she replied earnestly. "But you
know, when the preacher this morning was saying how by visualizing what
you want and believing that it will happen, you can make it so?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, Mommy," she said,
turning to face her in the seat. "I can see myself living with you in
Washington like you told me I'd do when I start high school. And I
visualize us having a father living with us, too."
"Father? You mean your
daddy?"
"Well, I know we haven't
seen Daddy in years," the little girl went on. "And I know you always
tell me that Daddy still loves me and that you like Daddy, but I don't
think Daddy is the one I see. He's not coming back, and we don't want
him back. Do we, Mommy?"
"No, baby, we don't," Copper
agreed as her eyes watered with delight at the understanding of her
little lady.
"So, Mommy, I'm going to
visualize a new daddy. I'm going to keep visualizing until it happens,
and we're going to be happily ever after. Okay, Mommy?"
"Okay, little girl," Copper
acknowledged warmly, squeezing her small hand.
Copper welcomed the help.
Ever since her divorce four years ago, she had been waiting for the
right guy to come along. Somewhere out there she knew there had to be a
man who would fall in love with her and that she could fall in love
with… true love. The fairy-tale kind of love in which two people
only have eyes for each other.
That happens
in real life, she mused. There are couples like that, right? Everyone's
not getting divorced. People do stay married, not just for convenience,
but because they really love each other. There are black couples
like that, aren't there? All black men don't up and leave, do they?
They're not all like Bobby or her father, are they? No answers came
with the questions. They just circled in her mind.
Ebony and Edward seemed to
be deeply in love, she reflected, as do Mahogany and Joshua. But how
long would that last? Her own marriage had lasted four years
officially. She prayed that her sisters' would last much longer. And
since their spouses were black men, too, she felt prayers were
definitely going to be needed.
Even with the negativity she
felt, however, she never said anything derogatory about her ex-husband
to Tiffany. As a matter of fact, she made it a point to always speak of
Bobby in an affectionate and positive manner. After all, he was her
baby's daddy, even though he hadn't been enthused about that fact at
the outset. His blood flowed through Tiffany's veins; she had his eyes
and nose. Tiffany was proud to have a professional NFL football player
as a father.
Copper tried to make sure
that her little girl didn't suspect the bitterness she felt towards
Bobby, her own father, and black men, period, for that matter.
"Doug called here twice for
you," Mahogany informed her as Copper walked into the den, where her
sister was watching the NBA playoffs. "I told him that you took Tiffany
to church this morning. How long have you been back?"
"I just got
here. I didn't want to block you in, so I parked on the street. And who
is Doug?"
"You know, the photographer
from the wedding yesterday," Mahogany reminded her. "Where's Tiff?"
"She's walking up the street
with Moms and Tanz. Why is this Doug guy calling for me?" Copper
inquired, slightly annoyed. Overly aggressive men were a definite
no-no to her. "And how did he get this number?"
"He's had this number for
several years now. He's an old friend of Joshua's," Mahogany replied,
referring to her husband. "As a matter of fact, he photographed my
wedding. You don't remember him?"
"Hoggy, that was two years ago. I had other things on
my mind. Why is he calling me?" She tilted her head slightly to the
side.
"There you go
leaning your head," Hoggy noted, knowing that meant Copper was
beginning to get angry. "Why do you think he called, Copp? I guess he's
interested in talking to you. I mean, it's not as if he's desperate
with those light-brown caramel eyes and a smile to die for. When they
say tall, dark and handsome, they're talking about Doug Kenner."
"T, D and H is all
right, but. . ." Copper started.
"T, D and H?" Mahogany
interrupted.
"Tall, dark and handsome."
"Oh, I forgot. You live in
alphabet city now: D.C., CIA, FBI, HEW, GNP, HUD, BLT…"
"Okay, okay." Copper
laughed. "You got me that time. BLT, that's funny. But anyway, having
good looks is fine, but a man has to have more than that."
"Hey, he's got more than
that. He has a great personality. Besides being a good photographer,
he's very witty. He's good to people, and as the word goes, he really
knows how to turn a woman on, if you know what I mean."
"No, I don't know what you
mean."
"I mean he goes past
foreplay to five-play."
"What? Who could have
possibly told you something like that?" Copper wanted to know.
"I heard it through the
grapevine."
"Well, you'd better believe
that I'm not going to go out with someone who is being talked about
like that."
"Don't pre-judge. Give him a
chance. He should be calling back soon. I told him to try back in an
hour. He said he just wanted to speak to you before you left tonight
for D.C. By the way, are Ebony and Edward going to stop off there on
their way back from the Bahamas?"
"Yes, that's what they said
last night. I want to think of something special to do for them."
"You'll come up with
something."
"I know, but you know how I
like to plan things out. At any rate, I'm going upstairs to pack while
Tiffany is outside."
"Are you going to talk to
Doug when he calls?"
"I have to think about
that," she called out, halfway up the stairs.
Actually, she was going to
give it more thought than Mahogany would ever imagine. Copper had been
celibate since her last sexual encounter with her husband, which was
more than a year before her divorce was finalized, an abstention of
over five years. Her ex-husband, combined with her spiritual beliefs,
was actually the reason she began practicing celibacy. When rumors
about his unfaithfulness started reaching her ears, she had stopped
having sex with him. She wasn't sure how long her abstention would
last, but prayer and faith got her through. Initially, not having sex
was difficult, so she prayed that God would remove the desire until she
was married, again.
In fact,
Bobby was her one and only sexual partner. During the first
couple of years after her break-up with Bobby, she went out on various
dates. She had even dated one guy, Thomas, for ten months. He was
considered one of the most eligible black bachelors in D.C., but there
was a barrier and it was high. Although Thomas seemed to be a good
catch, he didn't respect her
decision to abstain. Instead, he took it as a personal challenge to get
her to give in. Rather than compromise her beliefs, she broke up with
him.
That was when she concluded
there was another side to her personal problem. Not only did she need
to de-bond herself from the memories of Bobby, but she had other
memories that caused her pain also. Memories of a father who deserted
her, memories of incidents that were recounted when her girlfriends sat
around bashing black men, memories of things her husband put her
through with the gossip of his disloyalty. Plus, she was affected by
the prevalent negative images of black men that was being perpetuated
in the media.
She had always felt that
Copper Patterson deserved more, deserved better. She wanted the best
that life had to offer, for herself and for her daughter. No more
heartaches or headaches. She had been toying with this course of action
before, so she made a decision… to de-bond herself from black
men. She would suppress any inclination to get involved with them
anymore on a serious basis. Maybe that was why she had been having such
a hard time finding someone. Maybe her subconscious mind was trying to
steer her away from the brothers. Her job had indoctrinated her to the
professional white world of Washington, D.C.
Okay, she vowed, she was
going to heed her subconscious mind. She decided that her next
meaningful relationship was going to be with a Caucasian, when the
right one came along. Black men, with their hang-ups, would be put on
the back burner.
A few weeks after breaking
it off with Thomas, she was in Atlanta for Mahogany's wedding. There
was a full moon the night of the ceremony, and the reception was in
full blast.
Earlier that day she had met
friends and co-workers of Joshua, the groom. Jonathan "Buck" Buckner
was one of them. A good-looking, but slightly nerdy, white guy, who
happened to be at the foot of the stairs and saw her wiping tears from
her eyes after being up in her room wondering if her Prince Charming
would ever come.
Buck appeared to be so
concerned, kind, and understanding as they went out to the backyard and
sat in the gazebo and talked. She felt so vulnerable and weak. Looking
back, she imagined that must be how it felt to talk to a therapist.
Copper talked about herself, and then he shared a little about his
life, and she grew comfortable with him. It seemed only natural to
exchange phone numbers and make plans to have dinner together the next
day.
After dinner they went to
his condo, which was usually a no-no since she had just met the guy.
But she took a chance. The music was right, and she felt very relaxed.
She distinctly remembered that there was a full moon, because she had
always heard that strange things happened during full moons. This
particular evening she acted in a way that was uncharacteristic of her
usual self.
Before she knew it, Buck was
kissing her. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the passionate kiss.
Buck's hands began to caress intimate parts of her body. She felt
herself becoming turned on. Even though she initially felt pleasure,
guilt suddenly overtook her. She regained her senses and gently pushed
him back.
"I'm not ready for anything
like that. Okay?" she announced with a friendly, but firm look.
Licking his lips, he said,
"Your kisses sure taste sweet." He wiped the corners of his mouth.
"Okay," he gave in reluctantly, "we'll have plenty of time."
Copper didn't know what he
based his comment on. Even though it had been years since having sex
with her husband, she refused to give in to temptation. When she had
sex again, she would be married. The evening had ended with Buck
dropping her back off at Opal's house.
"Copper, it's for you!"
Mahogany yelled, interrupting Copper's thoughts.
"I'll take it up here," she
answered, shaking her head at her sister's teasing tone as she picked
up the bedroom phone. She waited until she heard her hang up downstairs
before she continued, "Hello?"
"Hello, babe," said the
masculine voice on the other end.
Right away it registered
whose sound it was. "Hi, Buck," she said with a little vexation. "Now,
you know I don't like that term 'babe.'"
"Well now, you know I don't
mean anything by it," he began as an abrupt tone was heard in Copper's
ear, indicating another call was coming in. "Is that you?" he asked.
"Of course, hold on please,"
she requested, quickly depressing the switch-hook for a split second to
get the other call. "Hello?"
"Hello," a deeper male voice
greeted. "Is Copper in?"
"She's speaking."
"Hi, this is Doug," he
continued. "Are you on another call?"
How did he
know? she wondered. "Yes, I am. Can you hold for a second?"
"Most definitely," he
assured, as she clicked back to Buck.
"Buck?" she asked as she did
so.
"It's me, babe-uh, I mean,
uh, Copper," he acknowledged. "Tell me, what time are you leaving
tonight? I want to get together with you."
"Let me get back to you on
that," she responded. "I have another call right now."
"Okey-dokey, I'm at home.
You have the number. Call me right back."
"Will do, bye." She clicked
back to Doug. "Hello?"
"I'm still here," he said.
"I could have called you back."
"No, they were ready to get
off the phone anyway."
"Tell me," he
inquired. "Why do females always say they when they mean he?"
Copper chuckled. "Do we do
that?"
"All the time."
"What do men do?"
"When we say they, we mean
they. When we mean she, we say she. At least that's what this man does."
"Hmmm, I guess men don't
care if their business gets in the streets and women do," Copper
reasoned.
"To me, stating the gender
of the person I'm talking to on the phone is not putting my business in
the streets." He chuckled. "Now, more personal things are something I
would be more discreet about. But using they in that instance indicates
something, and could be construed as being ashamed or disrespectful to
him, her or it, whoever you were referring to."
"My, you're very
opinionated," she noted, withdrawing somewhat.
"I'm sorry." Doug relaxed
then changed subject. "Mahogany tells me you're leaving late tonight."
"Yes, I have to punch in
early tomorrow morning."
She felt the question
coming, but she still had no idea what her answer would be. What were
Doug's intentions?
"I know you don't know me,
but your brother-in-law is one of my very best friends. Both he and
your sister can vouch that you'll be safe with me."
"Okay, I believe you," she
said with an inner chuckle. "My sister did speak very highly of you."
"Really? What did she say?"
"She said that you were a
nice guy," she related.
"See? So with that in mind,
I was wondering if I could take you out for a bite to eat this
afternoon," he went on.
"What do you like to eat?"
she asked.
"Mexican, Italian, Chinese.
. . "
"What about soul food?" she
wanted to say.
"…soul food," he went
on.
"Now you're talking!" She
broke in, suppressing the laughter.
"Really? You want soul food?"
"I'll leave it up to you."
She smiled and then said seriously, "But why?"
"Why?" He was caught off
guard, she noted. "Because, because I saw you, I heard about you for
years and I would like to talk to you, get to know you," he recovered.
There was total silence.
"Hello?" he called.
"I'm thinking," Copper
announced. And she was. She felt that de-bonding herself from black men
was essential if she was going to have a meaningful relationship with
someone white. But it didn't mean she couldn't have black male friends.
This guy seemed nice, she mused. She didn't know what he wanted, but
she knew what he wasn't going to get.
"Hello?" Doug re-called.
"Doug?" she asked.
"Yes?"
"How soon can you be here?"
she queried with a smile.
"I ain't
there yet?" was his rejoinder as they laughed and hung up.
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